I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
