Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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