Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
