Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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