just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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