so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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