It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
