I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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