Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
