question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
