Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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