Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
