How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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