just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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