In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
MIDGETS
????
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
