Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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