Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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