I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
