rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
