made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
lol hangovers are for mortals.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
