stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize