I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
