I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
