mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
