You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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