He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
