I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just blew my weed a kiss
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
