i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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