I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
