Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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