shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
