I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
