I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
