you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
