he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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