end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
