so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
