guys are not supposed to queef...right?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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