Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
