Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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