K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
