So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
