So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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