There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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