just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize