yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize