She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
