Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
