You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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