You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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