what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
