So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
