I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
