Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
