Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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