Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
operation harelip BJ is a go
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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