eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the raccoons are back...
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