is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
