My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
