Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
