He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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