when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
