I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
