he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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