put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
